Today I was supposed to post a DIY shelf in Cayn’s playroom. Yesterday was supposed to go something like this: put my face on, finish staining the shelf, take some pretty pictures, run a few errands, workout and deep clean my bathroom. NONE of this happened.
I started my morning off by making Justin breakfast (which I have not done since we moved to Arizona, morning sickness with baby number two was very bad). I washed the dishes because I did not do them the night before and although it was only 7 a.m. I already felt completely drained. Cayn woke up angry and wanted me to hold him as I was trying to make our breakfast. I take that back, what he actually wanted was for me to hold him all morning. He would scream every time I put him down. I would try to explain that I am making us food, I even tried getting him to help me cook, which he does every morning. I decided to put him in his room so he could cool off, that seemed to work for a few minutes.
He complained about his breakfast so I gave him my shake. I was texting a friend and she was having a rough morning with her little one as well. So we encouraged each other to try and do a quick devotional. I am currently reading ‘Breathe 40 Days of Prayer’. This is an amazing devotional, teaching me how to use Gods word in my prayers. “I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart. Come, let us exhaust His name together. I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles.” Psalm 34:1-6 You would think that just because you did your daily devotional that your day is going to be great, well sometimes it is BUT I think in a way God is asking us to trust Him, which means coming to Him throughout your day with the good and the bad.
All morning Cayn was in tears, and wasn’t sure what he wanted. After I attempted to get ready for the day he screamed even more. I had it. I yelled at him and locked myself in the bathroom. I was done for the day and decided to just stay home.
I cuddled up on my bed and started reading, ‘Ina Mays Guide to Child Birth.’ Cayn played with his new Iron Man mask and watched kids YouTube for what seemed like a milli-second. He screamed as he attempted to sit on the bed with me, and even though he can ABSOLUTELY get on the bed with no help, he pretends he can’t. The never ending demands of having a child seemed to hit me all at once. I shoved my face in my pillow and I cried. I do not want to be “mommy” today.
Justin came home for lunch which is always nice considering he works six days a week. After Justin left to go back to work I laid down with him, because yes, sometimes you give your child what they want to make them stop screaming. Cayn finally fell asleep. I then decided to pull out a card from a mason jar I made last week at MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). After decorating our jars we picked ten note cards and wrote encouraging things and then placed them in ten different jars to be pulled and read for days just like this. On the note it read; “Give God your weakness and he’ll give you his strength. Exactly what I needed to hear.
Having Cayn and being pregnant with our second is such a blessing but it comes with so much emotion that I have never experienced before. I remember my first year as a mom I completely lost myself and second guessed everything I was doing. I did not have my family and closest friends near by. I struggled with who I wanted to be and what I had become. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I have come along way from that person. Since moving to Arizona I have been very active in connecting with other moms, doing things for myself and making sure God comes first.
Being a mom is hard, being a military mom is lonely. I want you to know that you are a great mom. I want you to know that there is no such thing as a perfect mom or perfect children. Its okay to get mad, to yell at your kids and to lock yourself in a room and cry. I encourage you to get involved with something like MOPS and surround yourself with like minded people.
I would love to hear suggestions on the things you do to get through your bad day.
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